Apr. 8th, 2023
Being careful and cautious are our strong points, and rarely do we find a need to go overboard.
Even the normally boastful Shino is like that. Despite his rather lofty ambitions, he’s really not-well, mostly not-in any way reckless.
If he’s facing a strong opponent, he’s the first to turn vigilant, changing his tactics to suit the situation. For a kid that hates tests, he’s certainly running calculations in his head often enough.
I suppose it shouldn’t be a surprise given how he was abandoned and then raised in an unforgiving environment. Running away from whatever poorhouse took him in, he’d already been determined to live alone had he not met Heath by chance.
How much to sacrifice; the chances of victory; what is needed for survival; these are all things he’d be used to thinking of. Even now, sitting by his scythe, he’s calculating this at dizzying speeds.
I think he’s a kid with a good head on his shoulders.
This covert mission has us sneaking into the enemy stronghold to spy on them. We need the latest intelligence if we are to have the best chance of success against our enemies. Shino’s cautious; he should know this, but for Heathcliff’s sake, and his own ambitions, it is easy to start making sacrifices.
Since knows the importance of espionage, he should know he better be decreasing his chances of getting wounded, right? It looked like he was at the very least thinking about that.
Faust: Shino. In accordance to the plan we laid out at the Manor, you’re with me.
Shino: Got it.
Nero: Heath, you’re with me, right?
Heathcliff: Yes. Please take good care of me, Nero.
Signaling to Nero and Heath with my eyes, our groups separated. With that our mission brief was settled, and we mobilized our plans.
First, Nero and Heath would inspect the inn for traces of the Guild.
Just a little while ago, when I confirmed the exterior together with Nero, there was a billboard that said “Hotel Inflorescence”.
Since Nero served food in a shop in the City of Rain, he knew about management of these types of places. It seemed like it was flourishing, and held many guest rooms.
Shino and I, on the other hand, were standing watch over the hotel to be ready in case of emergency.
With the City of Rain being protected by a strict code of law, public order was often tranquil by nature and any troublemakers would stand out.
We'd scouted the shops nearby to see which ones allowed or banned whispering, writing, or reading to find the place most suited for our needs. Now we were seated on the terrace of said cafe, eating a light meal and maintaining our silence.
We planned to keep watch like this no matter how long it took.
However, after being brought drinks, Shino, of course, opened his mouth.
Shino: Why’d you make me not go with Heath?
I leveled an aggrieved gaze at Shino.
Shino easily meets it, rebellious and bothersome all at once, and his expression turns impudent.
Shino: There’s other people whispering around here too. They ain’t gonna hear us over the rain anyway.
I never felt the need to mention it before, but I did actually like Shino’s arrogant attitude. It was a good time for a young man like him to be able to be so open and frank about his rebellion.
He’s certainly not happy with me, deliberately making an rude face at me when he saw me looking. I clearly shake my head.
Faust: (sighing) Shut your mouth. You need to keep to the City of Rain’s rules.
Shino: You should’ve had Nero go out scouting with me, and made Heath stand by.
Shino: You got tons of experience, right? And I guess I hafta admit you’re strong in your own way or something.
Faust: How very kind of you to say.
Shino: But-you’re mistaken with your personnel selection.
I raised my eyebrow in annoyance as Shino bends towards me. Deliberately taking my time, I sit up and shove the cover of the book into his face to push it back.
Faust: Don’t talk to me. This shop actually permits reading, not whispering, and I for one, would like to continue.
Shino: …….
Shino sinks into silence, dissatisfied, and I drop my eyes back to the book.
While pretending to read, I raise my line of sight back up, observing the hotel.
What kinds of personage were entering or leaving?
Was there any presence of magic?
No doubt Shino is worrying about Heath; I could practically feel the impatience radiating off of him next to me.
He has a one track mind, having taken on the role of Heath's servant. Shino is always holding up his achievements and wanting to be praised by him.
So imagining himself coming back empty handed, with nothing for Heath to praise, it’s pretty normal he’d not be able to calm down.
Shino thinks he lives for Heath’s sake too.
If he were not able to contribute anything more, his entire reason for existence would be shattered.
Such a thing was dangerous on a mission like this.
Faust: …..You really think it’s something you can understand? .
Every time Shino felt impatient, worried or displeased, it would just be radiating from his entire body. It certainly made me remember my own early days as a kid.
What was I like in front of my teacher Figaro, or my right-hand man, Lennox? I was always a private person intent on suppressing my emotions, but it probably seeped out behind the cracks anyway.
Especially for Figaro. One one occasion he was gently admonishing me for this very thing.
His own training was so incredibly brutal he almost died, but he himself was rarely told off so harshly.
He was quite calm, and amiable even. Even when he would unconsciously drive me to the edge with borderline cruel lessons, he would always, indifferently and peacefully, address me.
One of those times, I was ending my pursuit of knowledge to join up with Alec’s group later.
(flashback starts)
Figaro: Faust. You cannot live so recklessly.
Figaro: If the human army leader is Alec, that makes you the wizards’ general. If they lose you, they’ll all be shaken to the core.
Faust: Lord Figaro, please come with us then. If we had your guidance, Everyone would be able to go on, even if turned to stone.
Figaro: Faust. My advice? Don’t put so much faith into people. That includes me, too.
Faust: ………
Figaro: I understand your feelings about Alec. I believe you want to be his shield, and die before he ever has a chance to.
Figaro: However, you have your duty. If you are so very concerned for him, you can’t be falling victim to impatience and living so recklessly.
Faust: I am not in a hurry to die. But, the revolutionary army needs Alec, and Alec-he is a human.
Faust: With him as a human and me as a wizard, is it really that strange that I want to protect him?
Figaro: If it was just you two alone, no, it wouldn’t be.
Figaro: But now it’s different for you. You would be involving a large number of people’s fates if anything happened.
Faust: I understand.
Figaro: No-no you don’t.
It was the first time I’d heard Figaro speak in such a strong tone.
Figaro: You really don’t.
I was surprised, bewildered, but most of all ashamed. ‘I am very sorry’ I’d said, apologizing, murmuring a ‘no’ as I shook my head.
For some reason recently, that scene had been playing out almost non-stop in my head.
Figaro normally acted aloof.
He never showed a facial expression more than skin-deep; he didn’t carry such emotion where one could see it.
But, at that time….At that time, it felt like I was watching the moon float by on the surface of a lake. It disappeared so quickly I had trouble even recalling how it looked, but for one very fleeting moment, his true grief and hatred had shone through in a brilliant light.
(flashback ends)
Faust: (Surely, like Shino now, they could sense…. my youthful impatience, and short-sightedness.)
I had only assumed responsibility as the teacher of the East wizards because I felt it was my duty to lead their progress. But, Shino and Heath-Nero too-are honestly adorable.
Their growth became my joy as well. Not only as in their roles as wizards, but their happiness and wellbeing-I want them each to be able to seize it with their own hands.
Figaro too, in those moments with me…..had he felt the same?
Whenever I thought about it, I told myself that I wouldn’t have gone anywhere without my students.
And then, whenever I thought about it, I think about how I left Lennox behind.
How I wasted those 400 years he spent searching the world for me.
That was my punishment.
Wounded, in despair, with everything around me in chaos: I never confronted him, the one who was so very devoted to me, face-to-face.
I did accept Leno’s warning, but not turning my back on Alec, not even escaping from prison…
It was all just my belief in Alec.
“If I keep saying that I’m not afraid, he would never do that to me, “ I said, “Alec will trust me.”
It was a childish, made-up pipe dream. And then, the dream was turned into ash.
I was nearly murdered by Alec, abandoned the man who had saved my life, and erased my presence from the world.
‘He has no future with me’, was the only thing I could think of. ‘We shouldn’t be together anymore.’
But, while I was aware of his loyalty, I still wonder how. How could I have still been so irresponsible...
If, at the very least I had told him “Goodbye-this ends here”, I would not have taken so much of his life away from him.
Like Figaro turned his back on me, I turned my back on Lennox.
And now that it is far too late, how could I ever again think of turning to him for help?
Shino: Oi。
Suddenly, Shino called to me. But- there was nothing strange in the hotel we were staking out. Nothing was wrong anywhere. I’d told him to be quiet, so I put up a finger to my mouth to shush him.
Shino: You’re the one being noisy with your thoughts. What the hell kind of face journey are you goin' on over there?
I pulled the hat I was wearing down over my eyes, because I had an idea of what exactly Shino was pointing out.
Shino: ....Is something wrong?
Shino’s voice is low, asking me with what sounds painfully like concern. Somehow even in this situation, Shino was still being kind to me. I breathed in slowly.
“I think I should be concerned about you instead. There is a hint of Figaro’s magic to you. “
I choked those words back.
’Shino received medical care’ he'd said, but perhaps, it was really a spell cast on his memories.
‘Do you really think I wouldn’t notice?’ ‘You shouldn’t just pointlessly use this type of magic on someone like that.’
It is precisely because I understand, that I had very mixed feelings about this.
Something had been done to my precious student without permission.
‘I want you to tell me what caused this,’ I’d say, ‘If you have any cautions, doubt, unease…..’
‘You overlooked something; let me make it up to you like this,’ he'd say, and I have regret, gratitude, and an apology welling up in me.
Figaro would not start acting odd and doing unreasonable things with Shino. In that matter, I have faith in him.
400 years have passed, and not even then can I think of any other option. The only thing I can still do after all this time, is ‘trust’.
I am such a goddamn fool.
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